Monday, December 12, 2011

Day of my Marriage – Took the chunk of my age!

Entering into the family of being a family for the last six months, it is been a new experience to say the least. The ride has been the best in my life and looking forward to a wonderful life with my best half. But being a family man now, thinking back on the ritual for the marriage sends shivers in my body.

You meet people who tap your memory to such an extent that they say “Do you remember this uncle? I met you when your mom was six months pregnant”. God, the way I had to nod my head from North to South rigorously to convince him I saw him through my mom’s uterus which would easily be an input in my resume for marketing jobs.

Your marriage day is never your best day apart from uniting with your best half. Worst part is you spend chunk of lifetime savings for other’s entertainment. Attraction to a marriage is food and the most important people involved hardly get to taste it. By the time we went into the dining hall, we were physically and emotionally drained. People’s cruelty would be at the highest when they say “Beta, the food was amazing”. And sadly, you would be standing there smiling from end to end, cursing them of an unpleasant journey in the night from their bathroom to their bedroom.

Marriages are made in heaven!! Very true.. especially if I believe how they portray heaven in movies. All smoke..!! South Indian marriages are made in a smoky environment with semi nude pundits competing with each other on who is louder. Louder the pandit; Happier the audience; Grimmer the couple.

Relatives play a key role in marriages. They have marriage as their base to launch their political career. I am sure Google brought in Google+ circles seeing the relatives form their own circle & criticise on how better the marriage can be conducted. The competition of who is more important is intense and reality shows like Big Boss would beg for such masala.

The day of marriage also brought about a business idea – Start a Beauty Parlour!!. Being a south Indian, you have to fall at everyone’s feet (Including Security Munsamy) that you couldn’t help but notice the number of people who require pedicure. This misery was accentuated when people wore socks which had natural air conditioning and smelt of the coovum river which flows beautifully all over Chennai.

Receptions are a mere slaughter of the couple. You are made to stand with make up which doesn’t make up for your flaws in front of number of people which makes you feel bad for the animals inside the zoo. Gifts are given – Big Boxes and nothing inside! They proudly give you the gifts and stand for photos as if its a modelling shoot. The photographer would say ‘Thank you sir, you can move now’ and they would still keep smiling since the lights are on from the video man. Adding to your owes, you have keep smiling broadly to look good on photos where this man would crop you and put his photo as his profile picture on FB. Moreover, you have to ‘Like’ it as well as you would be tagged for your existence on the original.

Photograph sessions are nightmare. They make you stand in various yoga positions claiming it to be highly romantic! And you have to comply as your parents have the gun over your head showing the bill they have paid to the photographer. The results on the album are not very encouraging and you are unsure whether to blame yourselves or the photographer.

Nevertheless, nothing comes easy and so does a wonderfully married life. Therefore, advice for my single friends is – Never fret marriage, fret the marriage process!

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Middle In the East - Part I

I was sleeping, as tired as a pig would sleep (not sure I was snoring!). I felt I was flying, high above the air, with stars twinkling beside me! I saw a fairy, a beautiful one, smiling at me and told me something.. She tapped on my shoulder and I didn’t understand why.. Suddenly she said ‘ Welcome to Emirates sir. Would you like to have Veg/Non-Veg??’.. Damn I was just dreaming, except that I am really flying in the air to Dubai and questioned by a beautiful fairy!!!

The flight was comfortable and reached half an hour late. I reached the airport and was wowed by the neatness, space and the technology. It took nearly 15 minutes for me to reach the Eye scanner. Dubai has this eye scanning without which you would not be allowed to the immigration counter. Like ophthalmologists, they examine your eyes to see if you’re a terrorist and send you to the immigration counter! ;) Once the immigration is done, I meet my taxi driver who is a malayali (most of them here are, seems like a Kerala II). He zoomed past the near empty roads, on the right side of course and suddenly stopped with a screech. He was standing for the red light.. lol.. I was like come on man, its 2.30 AM in the morning and I don’t see any dangerous looking men with EPND (Ever Pregnant No Delivery) stomach. There are Kodak cameras all over and you can break signals, damn the place.. I didn’t see our supersonic autos too which felt this place is some other planet. I finally reached my hotel apartment and it was awesome.

It has a swimming pool, gym, washing machine, kitchen, oven, utensils, bath tub….etc! Wow.. I was like dude, posh life man! I was all geared up to see the lovely beach, great roads, lovely European chics, museums, theme parks and what not… and that’s when I received a phone call!


‘Hi Harish, could you please be in office??’… and the last two weeks, I have just been to office!!!!!
And yes, no prizes for guessing, writing from office!!!

-------------------------Middle in the East Part II Coming Soon----------------------

Monday, March 8, 2010

Why..??


Ramesh, a maths professor was passing by a class where he gives a guest lecture. He saw a sweet looking girl, sitting alone looking over the window, with tears rolling down her eyes. He went near her, careful enough not to stun her by his sudden appearance and placed his hand on her shoulders. She immediately turned, wiping her tears from her wonderful brown eyes and smiled instantaneously. This instantly impacted him, seeing the pain in the girl's eyes, with the fake smile betraying deep sadness, anger and distrust with this world. He felt a sudden urge to help this young woman, so very beautiful yet looking very troubled. So he asked her, 'What happened dear? What is troubling you?'. She held the fake smile, promising everything is ok!

Being a understanding man, he smiled at her, placed his palms on her head and said 'Ok, so be it' and turned away! But she stopped him and said, 'I have heard of you sir. I have heard your an understanding and a patient man, ready to help anybody.. Can you help me? I need answers.. more so, solutions..' Ramesh assured his full attention and Anita started her query with a blank WHY! He was foxed but didn't intervene.. She asked him, 'Why? Why was I born in this world? Was I sent to do something special? Why have I been through such bare times in my life with no luck? Why do I have to work hard for nothing as the end result? Why do I need to smile when I want to Cry? Why do I need to listen to other's consoling when I really don't want them to talk? Why do people who don't deserve rewards get it?'.. the young girl was undergoing conflicting emotions!

Ramesh, took a deep breath and spoke, 'My dear, there are times where you feel nothing is going right for you. You would be most irritated by people who say, 'Arey, don't worry! Its all in the game. You were not destined to get this. Atleast you achieved this which itself is big.. blah blah'.. But what they don't understand is the pain you have gone through to work for your dreams. And when it is shattered, what they see is the broken pieces but not the disappointment and hard work behind it. And destiny is the word I personally hate. I share your sentiments on it. People say, Decide your destiny but then say, its all destiny. What exactly do they mean? I have gone through it all. Believe me its painful. The term 'Why' is a tunnel with never ending curves. Keeps you utterly interested to know the answer for why you are here, what would you achieve and what you won't. But the light is at the end of the tunnel, which is death.'

Anita, crunching in all the information asks, 'Whats the point then? You'll know the answer for all your questions only when you die?'

Ramesh smiled and said, 'But 'Why' is a tricky path to tread. You have got to be watchful and alert, as certain times of your life, there would be a small creak on the tunnel, giving you a glimpse of brilliant sunshine.. which in other words answer to your prior questions. This would provide a clue as to why you are here and why you possibly didn't achieve certain objectives in the past. Catch here is, the answer would lead to more Why's and you would be caught up in a maze. Personally, I was caught in that maze and it took me a while to come out of it, accepting life as it is. This doesn't mean I lose a hold on my life, my aspirations, etc. I still hold a respectable position in this college, leading a great life with my family. But what I learnt from my quest, is to find the answer for Whys is I lost track of my present. I lost track of my current enjoyment with friends and family.. lived for the future and not the present. I was not positive, lost hope, felt defeated, felt cheated.. but did I achieve something? Did I gain something? Did I know the answer for the misfortune? No.... Absolutely not! I was in your age then, my dear child and I lost few precious years due to this. I request, you buck up.. stand up straight again.. Be more positive, look forward to what you have got in your pallet and draw the most beautiful painting of your life. You are your own painter.. it is up to you to decide whether your life is to be colorful or to be gray!

Anita replied - Thanks so much Ramesh. I understand that this whole thing is complex, but I feel I have got a clarity and a direction. A thought provoking discussion.. I promise I would put my heart and soul to be positive again.. Refocus on the current opportunity I have and build on it.. But I had a small question which I wanted to ask you...
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WHY, WHY and WHY did I meet you????????????? Is there any reason?? WHY????

And no one has ever heard of Ramesh ever since!!!

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Summer of '10


My car started with Grrrhh... Grrrhhh.. It was a very polite way of it saying - 'Dude, I F@#$%^& need a service'.. So, at midnight (8AM, Sunday morning), I started to Ikatutangal Hyundai Motor Plaza (Sorry to my north indian friends, u need training to pronounce these names).. I had my A/C on and moving into top gear when I saw a bout of red liquid flying past my wind pane.. I was dumbstruck seeking for the worst - a deadly accident. Alas, I was wrong.. it was our bald marwari who spat his pan and smiling with his ugly tainted tooth with pride on his face. Using few holy words, I moved on.. I reached HMP with no further qualms and gave my car for service.. The technician greeted me with a pleasant face and wrote down the pampering the car requires - Approximate bill - Rs. 3,000. Wonderful, I thought.. Now is the time to save the money.. So I reached for the bus stand - ready to board a bus after nearly a decade.. I heard about the newly bought buses and its 'Deluxe' seatings... I got in triumphantly and next 30 minutes was heaven..

Mr.Conductor asked me for ticket ticket - I gave him the 100rs note.. He said ' Change illaya..?'. When I provided a meek no, he was cursing the IT companies for the bloody money power and rising prices! I was to protest the way we work as bonded labors in an A/C environment... but trailed off looking at his big menacing mustache.... Next was the uncle near me.. He reminded me of the foreigners who used to come to Chennai with minimal clothes.. Except that he presented a sweet aroma from his arm pits due to heavy perspiration.. Damn, I cursed the Chennai summer and dug my nose into my heavily scented shirt.. I moved on when suddenly a woman tapped on my shoulder and gave me money - However badly I needed it, I said 'No its ok, I have taken the ticket' when she gave a snarl and told me to pass on saying 'Two tickets, Beach'. Damn, another embarrassment..

I reached half way through the journey with no further qualms when the bus suddenly stopped in Guindy. It stood for an eternity and the hot sun was sapping my already diminishing patience and energy. To add to the woes was the conductor piling in more people on the already full bus. I was pushed, turned, kicked, stamped and bulldozed literally all the over the bus and was close to tears. Suddenly God answered my prayers for a seat and a lady got up and I sprang into the seat, just like a kid would jump for a candy when his mom was not around. I gasped for breath, recollected my senses and turned to face the horrific face I have ever met in my life. She was as large as the bus, occupying two tickets for one and with ruthless tone told me 'You don't see whats written there', pointing to whats written on the bus. Unfortunately, my literature in tamil isn't great and it turned out to be the ladies seat! Damn.. 33% even here........!! Finally, I reached my destination and got off to find that there was no auto. I cursed myself for coming by bus and walked all the way home.


I came home in tatters, frustrated for my unusual intention to save the extra buck and reached for the A/C only to realize that there was a power cut!!

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

India Vs Australia - A Nail Biter...!


Australian supporters are tensed... The match is happening in Brisbane. Steve Waugh, the Australian captain is setting the field. He is moving his hands vigorously to Shane Warne, who is busily looking at the hot chic in the crowd and exchanging numbers. "There he goes again", thinks Steve, with few choice words!

McGrath, the legendary fast bowler is running to bowl, to the prodigy of Indian Cricket. "Diminutive in size but plays like a dynamite", he thought with frustration of being hit for consecutive fours. 1 ball, 4 runs to win.. It was all well for the aussies when it was 3 balls 12 runs to win, but not now...

The Indian supporters are going crazy, expecting the little master to cruise India to victory.. The girls are going gaga over the new found handsome young boy, who has given them sleepless nights with his mischievous smile, wavy hair and smooth Indian accent.

Dickie Bird, adjudged as one of the best umpires in world cricket, urges the aussies to play... The Little genius takes guard.. McGrath runs in to bowl , muttering some last minute prayers.. The ball is bowled perfectly outside the off stump and patakkkkk is the sound from the bat.. The ball is hurrying towards the boundary.. The Indians complete two and turn for the third.. The ball almost reaches the boundary, when one of the best fielders in the modern era, Ponting palms it back...

But it wasn't too strong and the ball rolls back and touches the rope.. "India winssssss..." Shouts Ravi Shastri over the microphone.. The crowd goes bizarre.. Steve Waugh hangs his head in disappointment, Shane Warne signals the girl that he would catch up later.. The girls kiss the poster of the little genius... The cricket experts declare that he is the best in the game..




In midst of the celebration, the little genius, who is the star of the event jumps in joy.........

And I find myself in hospital the next day..

"Shucks", I thought.. Was it all a dream..... was I really not playing for the Indian Cricket Team?????

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Pain in the Rain!!!


It was a dark and windy night, the wind blowing with all its might!

There I was sleeping on the park, snoring away to glory like a ferocious shark..

Hurtling down came the droplets of rain, which made me look at the sky with utter disdain..

There she came, as bright as lightening.. A face similar to Picasso's painting..

I was mesmerized by her smile and hair.. possessing eyes which showed so much care..

She suddenly looked at me with an awesome smile, which made my heart sore a nautical mile..

She advanced towards me with an MP3 player, silently answering my vehement prayer..

Her perfume was smooth and of the highest quality, which made my heart dance with surprising agility..

I smiled at her and introduced as Harry.. As if she was the girl I was to marry..

She said she was Reena with a musical ease, as lovely as ARR's masterpiece!

We walked around with droplets of rain, slowly introducing me to the lovely pain..

I was joking around with my sense of humour.. Content of pleasing her with my friendly manner..

Is this love? Is this pain? Dreaming was I..

When she touched my hand and said she had to go.. It seemed liked an electric shock right till my toe..

Alas, we had to bid adieu with a heavy heart.. Convinced that she was my lifetime sweetheart..
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Eagerly the next day I dialed her number... it was killing to know that it was that of a plumber!!

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Newton vs Harish.. Round two begins!!!

I was sitting in my principal's room, cursing him for torturing me to sit in his room and not disturb the other 'studious' peers of mine, who were utilizing the free hour to the maximum. We generally used to have a free hour when the teacher would not show up, because the course was vast and her brain not very fast... Now.. When the princi was away, I was meddling with his so called expensive 2 rupee pen when a piece of dirt from the fan came gliding down. To my amusement the shape was exactly similar to the princi's nose, dark and crooked!!! I was rolling with laughter, at the thought of my princi litterally hanging on the fan, with his ugly crooked nose, waiting to be plucked into the vacuum cleaner and thrown into the garbage, his rightful home! This incident made me realise the difference of my premier nemesis's thinking differed from mine...

Who the hell, other than him, would go and sit under an apple tree on a lousy day and suddenly come up with the theory of gravity, just because an apple fell down??? Ridiculous... Pardon me for my ignorance, but what would be the worst case scenario if he hadn't given his theory? Would we have flown in the air? Or the apple which fell down, would have zoomed upwards??? Worst of all, would the cows be flying and secrete their cow dungs like flying saucers? No... Not at all.. Things would have been very normal... Cows walking, Princi barking.. Everything would be as it is today.. Except Humans though, as we defy gravity the moment a compliment passes by!! But one thing he ended up doing with his theory was Suvidha maam's frequent visit to my dreams with her ugly round eyes taunting me to learn about gravity and scathing me due to my lack of creativity..

Newton again played havoc in my college life too... He was the main cause for my AIDS.. Don't misunderstand me, I am straight and so was he.. AIDS in college terminology is Arrears In Different Subject. There were Physics 1, 2,3,4,5...n in my curriculum solely attributed to derail my dream of having a rich father in law... To add to my woes, were the mechanical and the other engineering subjects, which simply pushed me to suicidal heights.. Only thing that stopped me though, was one good news... ANOTHER PRACTICAL IMPLEMENTATION of my FAVOURITE law... The more and more arrears I keep... My % in engineering would increaseee............. and thus continued my tryst with Newton and his insane laws..

Finally, after been given extra time to complete BE and MBA, I joined my company happily, thinking that my Coffee with Newton was over, when our chirpy Center Deliver Head started off.. "My dear colleagues, Very Good Morning!!! As Newton Said.............." and my nemesis was BACK!!!